Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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