idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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