i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
