And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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