Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
