Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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