He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
