Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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