honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
