you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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