So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
