I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
