we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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