so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the day after is always just damage control
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
