THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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