you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
