taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
