woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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