So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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