my cup is half full, half full of rum.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
