I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
