all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
