its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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