Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
