never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Welcome to your 30ās, where every one night stand is most likely with someoneās father
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isnāt going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you canāt cheat on someone you love...
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