I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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