i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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