I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
