Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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