What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
