Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
