i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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