So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
