You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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