I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
