we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
