Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize