Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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