uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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