I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
