Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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