Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we're making bets on your personal life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
