I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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