I think i peed on brittanys purse
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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