My first STD was from a foam party
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
