So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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