so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
