I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
