Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
