I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
