I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
