9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
