dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
