I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
