Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
