I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
