real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
